Adapted from the article "Work It Out / The Triumphant Marriage" by Dr. Neil Clark Warren published in Family Life Mission Newsletter, September 1999. 

1.   Recognize marriage as a "we" business
I've never seen this secret fail. Any couple who gains a                                                    "we" perspective eventually experiences great success in marriage. A marriage starts to shrivel when it becomes  a matter  of  two "I's".

2.    Process the data as quick as possible
There's nothing wonderful about prolonged conflict. Get it out in the open and deal with it. People who fight like cats and dogs have a certain advantage. All important  facts and feelings are expressed quickly and unequivocally.

3.    Stick to the subject
Avoid emotion-laden comments that are totally unrelated to the subject at hand. Such comment stall any effort to move toward resolution.

4.   Don't intimidate
When the heat is turned up and things get a little mean, some people focus on self-preservation. Panic builds and they start throwing verbal punches. Intimidation never resolves conflicts.

5.   No name-calling
Not a single marital conflict in the history of mankind has ever been resolved because one person called the other a derogatory name. No matter how creative the label, it is meant to depreciate and demean your partner, it will not help to resolve the problem.

6.   Turn up your listening sensitivity     
In the midst of conflict, there is absolutely nothing that produces gains as dramatically as listening. It works like magic . Wen you listen to your partner, resolution has begun. When you are listened to, you want to listen.

7.    Practice give and take
Many of us have grown up yearning after, and fighting for, individual attainment. So we enter marriage with a  propensity to take. Marriage is a partnership and, therefore, requires both give and take to be successful. Some people have learned to give generously and freely, and they seem to have no expectation of getting in return. Show me a marriage in which one person has mastered the art of giving, and I'll show you a marriage in which conflict gets resolved quickly and completely.

8.    Celebrate any victory 
Why is it that we often fail to recognize our victories? After the dust has settled and peace is restored, take your lover in your arms and say, "We did it. We were totally at odds and, yes, it was tense there for a while. But we were able to resolve the conflict."